Parent Guide
Welcome to the Parent Guide: Starting Life Together, for children and their caregivers. Whether you are a mother or father (through birth, adoption, or foster care), a grandparent, partner, family friend, aunt or uncle with parenting responsibilities, the Parent Guide has information to help you through the FIRST FIVE YEARS of your parenting journey.
Prenatal Months
Prenatal Months
Prenatal Care
It’s important to go to prenatal care appointments with your doctor, nurse, midwife, and/or doula throughout your pregnancy. It helps keep you and your future baby healthy.
Here are some other tips and facts about healthy growth and development. Make sure you check with your doctor before making any changes in your diet, prescribed medications, or exercise routine.
Find and use healthcare. There are different health plans and health insurance options. To find one that meets your needs, ask questions. It’s important you feel your provider listens, respects you, explains things in a way you understand and feels culturally relevant to you (i.e. interpreters available).
Learn about maternal depression. Also called perinatal depression, it includes prenatal depression, “baby blues,” postpartum depression, and postpartum psychosis. Resources are available to learn more and find help here.
Eat a well-balanced diet, including a vitamin supplement for a healthy pregnancy, such as calcium, iron and folic acid. Folic acid has been shown to promote healthy development of the brain and spinal cord (neural tube).
Plan to breast/chestfeed if possible. Your milk provides nutrients to help babies grow and thrive. It also protects against illness and lowers the chances of colds, allergies, and cavities.
Exercise regularly with your doctor’s permission. Stop if you feel faint, overheated or in pain. Drink plenty of water. Walking, yoga and/or swimming are some of the most popular ways to safely exercise.
Do not drink alcohol, smoke or take drugs and limit caffeine. When you drink, smoke and/or use drugs, so does a developing fetus. No amount of alcohol while pregnant is safe! And even second- hand smoke is dangerous. If you are taking prescriptions, talk to your doctor before starting or stopping any prescribed medications. Pregnant people should not stop or start taking any type of medication that they need without first talking with a doctor.
Avoid x-rays, hot tubs, and saunas. Warm baths are OK if the water is at body temperature. If any of your health care providers recommend an x-ray, be sure they know you are pregnant (including at the dentist’s office).
Manage your stress. Everyone worries. But stress that is hard for you to manage (chronic stress) has a negative impact on you and a growing fetus. It may help to talk with family, friends, and other parents. It also may help to talk with your healthcare provider.
Adjust your seatbelt. The shoulder strap should cross above your belly. The lap belt should be below your belly.
Get enough sleep. Shut-eye is easier said than done when you feel kicking when your bladder is full. It might help to read before bed, listen to white noise or relaxing music. Take “breaks” during the day. Sleep on your left side as you get closer to your due date.
Be aware how your changing body might affect your balance. Be especially careful in the shower and bath, on icy sidewalks, and wet floors.
Stay away from pesticides, lead and strong household cleaning supplies.
Keep your hands clean. Have a cat? Leave cleaning the litter box to someone else. Be cautious handling foods, especially raw meats, fish and eggs. Wash your fruits and vegetables thoroughly.
Did you Know?
- New York State now provides employees with 20 hours of paid leave time per year to be used for prenatal healthcare appointments. Learn more about this benefit here.
- New York State has many family support programs provided at no cost to your family. A family support worker will visit you in your home and provide guidance around parenting, community resources (e.g. job search, education, healthcare), child development and more.
- Exposure to secondhand smoke increases the risk for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, can cause asthma and increases chances of pneumonia, bronchitis and middle air infections in infants and young children.
- A pregnant person needs about 300 extra calories a day. A 300 calorie snack is 1 cup of low-fat milk with a banana & egg. Ask your medical provider for more information about healthy nutrition and food choices.
Resources in this Section
Early Development
Here are some amazing facts about early development:
First Trimester
By the 8th week of pregnancy, you may be able to hear a heartbeat.
Second Trimester
Starting around 23 weeks of pregnancy, sudden or loud noises may stimulate movement of the fetus.
Third Trimester
During month 6 a pattern for sleeping and waking are developed and eye movement begins.
During the 8th month of pregnancy, rapid brain activity occurs stimulating development.
Did You Know?
- Research finds that pregnant people experience less stress when they have access to protective factors like emotional support. (BANDY, T., ET. AL, 2012)
Experiences at this Stage
Checking in with Yourself
This is a time of change, feelings, questions, hopes, and dreams. How do you feel? Tired and moody or energized and excited? It’s common to wonder and worry. “Will my baby be healthy?“ “Will I be a good parent?” “Will I be able to finish school or get back to work?” “Am I too young?” “Am I too old?” It’s also common to revisit your own childhood memories and dreams. All of these feelings, worries and dreams are normal. As you begin this amazing journey, be sure to ask for support.
Over these months, you will likely:
- Imagine what your baby will look like
- Talk with other people—family, friends, your health care provider about what to expect.
- Make important decisions. What kind of child care will I need? Who will be my baby’s health care provider? Where will my baby sleep? Who can help me take care of my baby?
- Discover new resources in your community for new parents and their babies.
Did You Know?
- The relationship you have with your child shapes connections in their developing brain and is connected to their academic and social emotional development. (NATIONAL SCIENTIFIC COUNCIL ON THE DEVELOPING CHILD, 2004)
Nurturing Connection
Nurturing is about the loving, caring, trusting relationships.
This special connection begins to develop as you:
Take a walk down memory lane. Think back to your childhood and the people who raised you. Are there things you want to do the same? If so, what are they? Are there things you want to avoid or do very differently? What are they? What do you want to do instead?
Picture special moments you hope to share together. Baby’s first smile, steps and words. Snuggling and reading a book together. Baby’s first birthday.
Invite family and friends to help prepare for your baby’s arrival. Their relationship with your baby will grow as they help set up your baby’s crib or pack-n-play or add a book to your baby’s library.
Did you know?
- The most important factor when it comes to the relationship you have with your child is how you’ve understood your own childhood experiences with your parents. (SIEGEL AND HARTZELL, 2003)
Preparing for Baby
New babies pay attention to you and imitate and copy what you say and do.
Here are some things you can do:
- Go to class. There are classes about childbirth, being a foster or adoptive parent, the basics of baby care (changing diapers, feeding, bathing, clipping tiny nails), safe sleep and keeping babies safe and healthy. It’s also a chance to meet other parents and have questions answered.
- Begin thinking about child care. Finding the right child care can take time. Start by talking to a trusted friend, relative or colleague who has a child care provider they trust. Contact the nearest Child Care Resource Center (CCRC) to learn about choices including financial help with paying for childcare. Some parents choose to stay home, others have friends or relatives care for their new baby and some use a family child care provider or child care center.
- Get a rear-facing car seat and learn to install and use it in the right way. New York State has many car seat safety events to help you learn how to properly install your car seat.
- Start to prepare siblings for the family’s new addition. If you already have other children, invite them to help get ready, for example, draw the baby a welcome sign or practice reading the baby’s books.
Resources in this Section
Community Support
Every parent needs support and a helping hand. You may find meeting the needs of your baby while managing every day basics like sleeping, showering, cooking and cleaning feels overwhelming. Knowing where to find support can help keep you and your family from becoming too stressed. This is a great time to expand your circle to include people and organizations you can turn to for services.
New York State has several family support programs that are provided at no cost. The programs provide you and your family a family support worker who can provide you information about health care, child development, parenting strategies, safety and even job training. Family support workers can meet with you in your home and in the community.
Resources in this Section
0-6 Months
Getting to Know Each Other
Child Development
Your baby is one-of-a-kind and they will develop their own personality in their own way and in their own time. Day by day, as you get to know each other, you develop a special relationship. During these first six months, take time to think about how much both you and your baby will grow and change.
During the first six months, it is likely you will see your baby:
- Sleep and eat on a more regular schedule (though growth spurts may change patterns)
- Calm themselves by sucking (thumb, fingers or a pacifier)
- Try to imitate (copy) faces you make
- Reach for an object and grasp it, often bringing it to their mouth
- Turn from stomach to back and then back to stomach
- Move around a little, maybe in a circle, backward or forward
- Turn their head in the direction of sounds
- Develop control of their head
- Make lots of sounds
- Play with their toes
- Enjoy games with you, such as “peek-a-boo”
- Recognize familiar faces
- Sit without support (near six months)
Parenting at this Stage
Over these same six months, you may see yourself be able to:
- Sleep and eat on a more regular schedule
- Feel more like your “normal” self
- Take a shower/bath in less than three minutes
- Recognize your baby’s changing patterns of sleeping, feeding, pooping, and being awake
- Get a diaper off and on quickly
- Leave your baby with someone you trust to go to work or school, or just for a little “you” time
- Find it easier to take your baby out for walks and outings
- Tell your friends, family members, and your baby’s doctor about some of the new things your baby is doing
- Feel a growing confidence in your roles as a parents
Nurturing Your Child
Trust builds when you respond to your baby with repeated, loving actions. This makes them feel special. The way they respond to you tells you how special you are to them. This is a “getting to know each other” time for both of you.
Here are some things you can do to build trust:
- Comfort your baby when they cry. You may have to try a number of ways to comfort a crying baby. Swaddle your newborn in a soft blanket, gently rock in a rocking chair, talk in a calm and soft voice, dim the lights and noise, or offer a pacifier. They are learning that they can count on you to help when they are upset. (BELL, S.M. & AINSWORTH, M.D.S.,1972)
- Feed them when they are hungry. For now, breast/chestmilk or formula is on the menu. (Your baby’s doctor will tell you when they can have cow’s milk and water—and when and how to introduce other foods).
- Have as much face-to-face time as you can. Hold them, sing to them, talk to them, play with them and smile. It’s you that they want to see and play with, not the TV. When you pay attention to them, it helps them focus and feel calm inside.
- Leave them with someone you trust, who will care for them in the same ways you do. Going out with friends? Back to school or work? Let whoever is caring for your baby know about their daily routine. No one knows your baby like you do.
- Keep their needs in mind during everyday activities of family life. You may notice yourself finding new routines which are likely to change as your baby grows. How do your baby’s needs and routine “fit in” with family routines and how may family life change to meet their needs?
Protecting Your Child
When you keep your baby safe, you show them you will protect them. This builds their trust in you, in themselves and in the world.
Here are some things you can do to keep your baby safe:
- Practice safe sleep habits. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends putting your baby to sleep alone, on their back, in a safe crib with a firm mattress without pillows, stuffed animals, blankets or toys. A baby sleeping sack will keep them cozy and warm.
- Use a safe car seat. Always use a rear-facing infant car seat that is properly installed in the middle back seat of your car. New York State has many car seat safety events to make sure your car seat is properly installed.
- Keep your eyes and a hand on your baby at all times when they are on the changing table, your bed or any other high surface. They will roll over when you least expect it.
- Baby Proof. Look around your home, for things that might be harmful to your baby. Remove small, sharp, or other dangerous objects from reach, and use baby-proofing tools, like gates and locks, to keep your baby away from doors, stairways, toilets, and other spaces where your baby could fall or pinch fingers.
- NEVER allow anyone to shake, roughly handle or hit your baby. Not at any time, for any reason. As a parent, chances are you aren’t getting enough sleep, and you may not be as patient as usual.
- Keep track of your own stress level and that of anyone else who might be caring for your baby. If you feel you might hurt your baby at any time, put the baby in the crib and call the 24 hour New York State Parents Helpline: 1-800-342-7472.
Resources in this Section
Guiding Your Child
Here are some things you can do to help guide your child:
- Start early to build daily routines around eating, sleeping, dressing and bathing. They help your baby to begin to know what comes next.
- Hold them often. The sound of your breathing and heartbeat are calming.
- Pay attention to what they are telling you with their behavior as you play. Is your baby looking at you, kicking their feet, or making sounds? They may be telling you they are ready to play. Are they looking away and fussing? It is their way of telling you “playtime is over for now.”
Communicating with Your Child
Talking, reading, and singing together builds your relationship and helps your baby learn to communicate and think. They won’t understand it yet, but you are setting the stage for school and life success.
Here are some things you can do:
- Talk to you baby about what you see them doing, what you are doing, and what you are doing together: “I see you smiling.” “Oh, you just picked up the rattle!” “We are at the store! I’m putting three of these red apples in the bag. They look delicious.”
- Read to your baby. It is never too early to begin. The more you read together, the more words they will hear. They will learn to enjoy books because they will enjoy your time together. Your baby will look at books, chew books, rip books and open and close them.
- Do a little something unexpected! By about three months, you will see the hints of a growing a sense of humor. Make a funny face or sound and watch your baby smile and laugh!
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
What better way to start your baby on a lifetime of learning than to be their learning partner?
Here are some things you can do:
- Give your baby lots of time to touch, squeeze, shake, grasp, chew and throw safe objects and objects with different textures. Different textures help babies learn. Putting things in their mouth is their way of exploring and learning about the world. Be sure there are only safe and clean items within their reach.
- Watch your child’s progress by tracking their milestones. How your child speaks, runs and plays are all milestones. There are checklists you can use and even free Smartphone Apps. Be sure to ask your child’s doctor if you have questions!
- Help your baby learn that they can make things happen. If your baby drops an object on the floor, pick it up and give it back. They are learning: “I can cause this to happen!” Get ready because chances are they will drop it again—and again.
- Enjoy games together. Pat-a-cake teaches your baby about imitating. Gently counting and kissing their tiny fingers and toes not only teaches your baby about body parts, it sends the message that together you have fun!
- Share your baby’s delight in any new discovery. Talk about what they are doing. Smile. Tell your baby: “It looks like you like the way that teddy bear feels.”
- Give your baby safe floor time. At first, lay them down on a soft blanket on their tummy for just a few moments. Stay right there and pick them up when they start to fuss. Try it 2 or 3 times a day. As your baby gets stronger they will begin to lift their head and roll over.
6-12 Months
On the Move!
Child Development
Your baby is on the move—and that means so are you. During these next six months, you will likely see them crawling at top speed, pulling themselves up to stand and sidestepping or “cruising” by holding on to furniture.
Your baby may even take their first steps all by themselves! Hang on. It is going to be an amazing ride for both of you. Your baby depends on you to keep them safe—so now is the time to look around the house and take steps to make sure your home is a safe place for your new “little explorer.”
Communicating with your baby at this age is also very important. The more you talk with your baby and the more you imitate their sounds, the more you encourage them to communicate. During this period (generally after nine months of age) your baby may start to babble “ba-ba” and “da-da” and “ma-ma”. You may feel funny babbling back, but the more sounds and words you give to them, the better. So babble away, sing, and talk about things you see and do together.
It is likely you will see your baby:
- Smile in delight and giggle when you play peek-a-boo
- Imitate you drinking from a cup, banging a pot or putting a hat on your head
- Cling, cry or try to follow when you say “bye bye” or open the door to leave
- Be comforted by their“ lovey” (a special object that helps them feel safe such as a blanket or stuffed animal) at naptime and nighttime
- Respond to their name and simple commands, like ”come here”
- Point, look, move, babble to tell you what they want
- Make language sounds that seem like words
- Recognize and maybe say a few words like “mama” or “ba”
- Begin to eat infant cereal, soft fruits and veggies (After your baby’s health care provider says it is OK to introduce foods)
- Push, pull, bang, taste, fill up, dump out, turn, and drop objects to learn about them
- Look for dropped or hidden objects; show curiosity about almost everything
- Sit without support
- Crawl
- Pull to standing, maybe start to cruise holding on to furniture or take steps on their own
- Pick up bits of food with their fingers and eat it
- Go around, over, and under things to reach objects
- Repeat actions over and over again
- Explore objects, often by putting them into their mouth
Parenting at this Stage
There are two confusing baby behaviors that usually show up at about this time. Your baby may get upset or cry when you leave them with someone—even someone they know well (separation anxiety). Your baby may also cry when a “new” person approaches, for example a family member they haven’t seen for awhile (stranger anxiety). It’s a sign that they are growing and learning, and it will pass. Until it does, try to understand your baby’s point of view. You will find some ideas in the Nurturing and Guiding tabs in this section.
You may not be getting as much support as you were when your baby first came home and your baby may be sleeping less. That can mean more time caring for them and less time for you to take a breath and manage other parts of your life. If you need an extra hand, ask family members or friends for support. Even an hour or two “off-duty” can give you the time you need to recharge which is good for you and for your baby.
Just like your child, you are changing, too. You will likely find yourself able to:
- Find new ways to play with your baby
- Make observations about your baby’s growth, activities, and personality
- Feel more confident about parenting
- Get a diaper off and on with your baby on the run
- Let your baby play and explore with toys briefly while keeping a close eye on them as you do other chores like cooking
- Spend time with other parents and their babies for fun and support
- Get better at anticipating your baby’s needs
- Feel more back to normal physically and emotionally
Nurturing Your Child
When you show your baby that you care, they feel special. When you include them in daily routines they begins to learn what it means to be part of a family. This trust will shape your relationship and help build their relationships with other people.
Here are some things you can do:
- Comfort your baby when they cry or is upset. Your baby is learning that they can count on you to respond when they are upset. You’ll start to notice that your baby likes to keep close to you, looks to you for comfort and encouragement and is happy to be near you throughout the day.
- Play with your baby as much as you can. For example: look in a mirror with your baby and gently touch their ears, nose and lips while naming them. Move to music. Crinkle and tear a paper bag. Sing songs. Drop a tennis ball into a plastic bowl and see what your baby does.
- When you cannot be with your baby, leave them with someone you trust to care for them in the same ways you do. Explain how you want your baby to be cared for and leave contact information so you can be reached. Try to arrange to spend a little time with your baby and this person. Then say “goodbye” and remind your baby that you’ll come back like you always do. The routine is comforting and lets your baby know they can trust that you won’t just disappear.
- Include them in everyday activities of family life. Talk to your baby about all the foods and colors you see as you go grocery shopping together. Give them a spoon and plastic container to play with while you are making dinner. Pull their highchair over to the table so they can “talk” and eat with you.
Protecting Your Child
Now that your baby is on the move, protecting them takes on a whole new meaning.
Here are some things you can do:
- Use a safe car seat. Always use a rear-facing infant car seat that is properly installed. Even on the shortest trip, and even when they protest being buckled in.
- Baby proof. Make your home a safe place for your baby to move and explore. Block off dangerous areas like stairs and electrical outlets. Move dangerous items such as household cleaners, medicines and sharp tools like knives and scissors out of reach. Look at the world from your baby’s view and understand that at this age, your baby will get into everything and anything. They are naturally curious and while they explore, they learn. It is your job to make sure they are safe.
- Keep your eye on your baby. Babies are speedy and it only takes seconds for them to be in danger. If you have to step into another room for a minute or two, take them with you or put them in their crib or stroller with a safe toy. Never take your eyes off your baby during bath time or any place where there is standing water, even though they may sit up well in the tub.
- NEVER allow anyone to shake or hit your baby or toss them in the air during play. Because your baby is so happy and fun at this age, it can be easy to forget how fragile they are.
Guiding Your Child
It will take your baby years to be able to control their behavior. But gently setting clear limits today will help them to make choices about right versus wrong and how to keep themselves safe as they get older.
Here are some things you can do:
- Be gentle and consistent as you guide your baby’s behavior. Turn “don’t” into “do.” For example, say, “Here’s a duckie for you to play with; my purse has to go up on the shelf” instead of, “No, you can’t get in my purse.” Or, “Here’s a cracker for you to eat” instead of “Don’t grab your sister’s food.”
- Support your baby through separation anxiety. Between six and eight months most babies will become upset at the idea or reality of being separated from their parents. You can help your baby work through this by practicing “hellos” and “goodbyes” with games of peek-a-boo. When you do go away, tell them you are leaving and remind them you will come back like always. That way, they will learn to trust that you will return.
- Support your baby through stranger anxiety. Your baby may act shy or afraid of unfamiliar people and be upset when you leave them with someone else. Let them sit on your lap as they check out a new adult—even a relative they haven’t seen for a while. Encourage the adult to offer a toy to make a connection. Let your baby show they are comfortable with the person before letting another person hold them.
- Share their delight and wonder as they explore, discover and learn. Your attention tells your baby that what they are doing is important and fun, and it encourages them to continue learning.
- Let your baby use their “lovey” for comfort. They may hold on to a special blanket or teddy bear, or suck their thumb or pacifier when needing a little extra comfort. They are learning how to cope and to soothe. This is the beginning of how they learn to control their emotions (something that develops later around age 3).
Communicating with Your Child
Here are some things you can do:
- Talk to them about what you see them doing and what you are doing together: “Oh, you just put the big hat on your head.” “Do you feel the wind blowing on your face? Look how it is blowing the leaves in the trees.”
- Sing and read to your baby. What your baby hears when listening to a song and from listening to books sounds different than what they hear in everyday talking. The difference is important and will improve listening skills.
- Repeat yourself. Read the same books over again, as long as your baby shows interest. Use the same words to describe something, like, ”It’s sleepy time.” The more your baby hears language and watches your face as you talk, the easier it is for them to begin to understand what you are saying. They will learn the meaning of words before they are able to speak.
- Pay attention to your baby’s face and gestures to help you understand what they are communicating. Is your baby pointing to their bottle, or frowning when the music is too loud? It shows them you understand when you say, “Do you want your bottle?” or “I think this music is hurting your ears. I’m turning it down” This invites them to communicate with you even more.
- Do a little something unexpected! This little person is growing a sense of humor. Make a funny face, movement, sound or word. Watch them giggle and laugh!
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
Your baby is gathering information all the time, putting it together to form the first picture of themselves, other people, and the world. As you encourage them to explore and learn, you help them gain more information and make sense of it.
Here are some things you can do:
- Play with your baby. Pay attention to whatever your baby finds interesting, as long as it’s safe. By doing this you encourage their curiosity and learning by being there and sharing, and building on what is important to your baby. This is called joint attention, an important parenting skill that encourages baby’s learning.
- Watch your child’s progress by tracking their milestones. How your child speaks, runs and plays are all milestones. There are checklists you can use and even free Smartphone Apps. Be sure to ask your child’s doctor if you have questions!
- Share your baby’s delight in new discoveries. Encourage what they are doing and talk about it as they do it. “You found the block in the cup!”
- “Read” with your baby. They might want to help you turn pages and will enjoy pointing at animals and objects in the pictures. Say the animals’ names and begin to introduce animal sounds. Remember, at this age, the story isn’t important—the time together is!
- Play hide-and-seek with objects. They are learning that objects exist even when they can’t see them. Sit on the floor together. Give your baby a toy, then hide it under a blanket or pillow while they are watching. Ask, “Can you find it?” If they can’t, move the toy a tiny bit so your baby can see part of it. Over time they will look for it themselves—and find it.
- Give them lots of opportunities to move and explore. Their new abilities to crawl, creep and cruise coupled with curiosity takes their learning to a new level. Roll a ball back and forth, then take a “crawling tour” of the living room as you look for the ball. Talk about what you see. Always keep in mind that your baby is very curious and can get into everything so make sure the space is safe!
Being Strong and Flexible
Protective Factor for Building a Strong Family: Being Strong and Flexible (Parental Resilience)
Every parent experiences bumps and roadblocks in the parenting journey—especially the first year. It is quite an adjustment to welcome a new person into the world, then care for that person 24/7. No doubt about it, parenting can be very stressful at times, and it takes an effort to remain positive and protect your baby from your feelings of stress.
We invite you to look back over your first year as a parent/parents and jot down your thoughts for yourself/yourselves and share with others. Someday, you may even want to share them with your child.
- What was your favorite part of parenting this year?
- What do see as your greatest strength as a parent right now?
- What was the most stressful part of parenting this year?
- How did you manage the stressful times?
- How did you protect your baby from feeling your stress?
- What happy memories do you want to remember so you can share them with your child or others later?
- In what ways does being resilient as a parent help to protect your child from too much stress?
12-24 Months
Your Wonderful One-Year-Old
Child Development
Have you ever wanted two very different things at the same time? To take a nap and to join friends for a walk on a beautiful day? How does it feel? Frustrating? Unsettling?
Your toddler often feels this kind of push and pull. They want to be close to you and also gets upset when they are apart from you. At the same time, they want to do things their own way. So they may snuggle close one moment, then cries and yells, “My do!” when you start to zip up their coat. No wonder you may both feel upset and confused at times.
Sometime, during this year, it is likely you will see your toddler:
- Learn to walk and be on the move, refusing to sit still for long periods
- Climb steps one at a time
- Throw and retrieve objects
- Follow simple directions
- Name some familiar objects and combine two word phrases
- Ask questions
- Imitate speech and behaviors
- Continue to act concerned, afraid or curious when around someone unfamiliar and look to you for comfort (stranger anxiety)
- Test limits and use the word “No!” often, even when they don’t mean it
- Show a limited ability to express frustrations which may result in behaviors like biting or tantrums
- Work on using a fork or spoon and drinking from a cup
- Finger feed easily
- Begin to want to do things independently (feeding, dressing)
- Point to eyes, mouth, hands, feet, and hair when asked
- Point out familiar objects in pictures
- Try to figure things out: puzzle pieces, stacking toys, taking something apart and putting back together, opening and closing, pouring
- Kick a large ball forward
- Climb…and figure out how to move through and around obstacles
Parenting at this Stage
This is a time of life when you need to take a deep breath. See your toddler as someone who is trying to figure out who they are and what they can do. When they “tests limits” they are testing their own abilities and how far they can go.
When you set clear and consistent limits in a positive way you keep them—and others—safe. At the same time, you are helping them learn they are capable. It may be a challenging time, but one day you’ll tell them funny stories about how they “tried and tested” you.
Over this same year, you may see yourself:
- Sing songs, read books, and play the simple games your toddler loves over and over again
- Feel a growing confidence about what it takes to be a parent in terms of routine, rhythm and patience
- Feel a lack of confidence about how to handle this growing, independent toddler
- Feel a growing comfort that you don’t have to be a perfect parent—because no one is—but still worry about parenting the best you can
- Laugh more about things that don’t go quite the way you planned—that’s part of being flexibile.
Nurturing Your Child
You are your toddler’s home base. They trust that you will be there no matter what. No matter how they behave let them know you are there. They count on you and need you.
Here are some things you can do:
- Breast/chestfeeding? Are you both enjoying it? Keep it up. This is the advice of the American Academy of Pediatrics. Nursing strengthens your baby’s immune system and overall health and provide your little explorer security and comfort.
- Develop a bedtime routine for both nap and nighttime — if you haven’t already. A routine is comforting. It can be anything that says to your toddler “It’s time to be quiet now and get ready to go to bed.” Read a book or two together. Sing a lullaby. Tuck your baby in, give them a kiss, then say “sweet dreams” to them (and don’t forget their stuffed animal too). This will help your toddler get enough sleep each night to balance the time they are awake.
- Leave your baby with someone you trust to care for them in the same ways you do. Whether you’re away for an hour or two or back at school or work, your child might be in care with a family member, friend, neighbor or child care provider. Let whoever is caring for your toddler know about their daily routine and how you want them cared for. No one knows your toddler like you do. Be sure to pop in for a surprise visit every now and then to assure yourself everything is going well.
- Invite your toddler to join in simple chores and family activities. Your toddler will feel proud to help out with “real” work and will love to do the same things you do. Plus, daily routines are some of the greatest learning opportunities. Just think about it: matching socks or counting the potatoes you are washing for dinner teaches math skills. Getting dressed is a time to talk about parts of the body and colors of clothes.
- Think about your toddler’s use of pacifiers and bottles—if you haven’t already. Bottles and pacifiers give comfort to your toddler so it can be hard to know when is the “right time” to stop offering them (weaning). Once you decide to take them away, provide lots of snuggles and support.
Protecting Your Child
When you keep your toddler safe, you show them you will do what is needed to protect them. This builds their trust in you, in themselves and in the world.
Here are some things you can do:
- Childproof. Again. Now that your toddler is moving more, crawling, walking and climbing, take another look. Install window guards. Cover outlets. Put childproof locks on cabinets, drawers and toilets. Be sure bookshelves, dressers, and TV’s are secure so they can’t pull them over onto themselves. Now, they can get into places they never could before: bags, cabinets and tool boxes! Toddlers are interested in stairs but doesn’t yet understand the danger of a fall. So, use a secure gate at the top and bottom.
- Be aware of your toddler around animals—your pets or animals on the street. While they just want to touch and explore, an animal may feel nervous or threatened. Pay close attention.
- Begin to teach them about danger even though it will take them time to “get it.” Explain, “The stove is hot. It is not safe to touch. You can bang on these pots, instead.” A safe home means less “no’s” and more smiles.
- Keep their vaccines up to date. Talk with your child’s doctor about what vaccines, why and when. Share any questions or concerns too! Remember to keep a record of all vaccines that your baby has received.
- Keep those germs away…as best you can! Begin to teach hand washing: before eating, after using the bathroom or a diaper change, playing with other children and being outside. As you wash their hands, you are teaching them how to do it independently.
- Take good care of those beautiful new teeth. Let them practice brushing their teeth after you do—twice a day. They will need lots of help because they cannot move his wrists well enough to do it yet. Let them “try” and then you “try.” Limit juices and sweet treats if still using a bottle.
- Stay by the tub every second of bath time. Talk, sing, splash, see what sinks and what floats together during bath time. If bath time begins and you’ve forgotten something, take your toddler with you to get it. Or ask someone to bring it to you. It only takes a second for a child to slip under the water and drown, even if they sit up well.
- Use a safe car seat. Always use an up to date car seat that is properly installed in the middle back seat of your car.
- Use a safe car seat. Always use a rear-facing infant car seat that is properly installed in the middle back seat of your car. New York State has many car seat safety events to make sure your car seat is properly installed.
Resources in this Section
Guiding Your Child
As you help your toddler make sense of the world, be there to step in and guide them as needed. But also give them some space and time to explore their abilities.
Here are some things you can do:
- Be realistic about what you can expect from your child. Are they a mover and shaker who finds it hard to sit still longer than 3 minutes? Knowing this will help you decide not to try to read a whole book but instead look at a few pages and then follow their lead. You will both be happier.
- Set clear and consistent limits in a caring and respectful way. Sometimes they’ll be able to listen and stop themselves from climbing on the coffee table or digging in the plant. Other times they depend on you to help them stop. When they can count on you to set clear limits, it frees them to explore and discover and easier for them to behave.
- Encourage and model sharing but do not force sharing or taking turns. Children this age are not ready for sharing; you are just introducing the idea. So model sharing by breaking your banana in half and offering them a piece. Point out when sharing happens: “Jorge shared that truck with you.”
- Give your child realistic feedback about their efforts and actions. Tell them what you see. Give them specifics. When you say, “I see you are trying to pull up the zipper on your coat again. That is how you learn!” You let them know that “trying again” is important.
- Expect challenging behaviors. No doubt about it, “No” will be one of your toddler’s favorite words for a time. It is a sign they are becoming their own. This may look like acting out and having a temper tantrum. Every parent experiences at least one of these in public at some point. So get ready to join the club! You can support them in these moments by staying calm, being clear about limits and letting them know you love them—even when you don’t like the behavior.
- Use the word “no” in fun ways. Make up silly sentences that make your child’s use of the word “no” fun and at the same time helps them think and learn. Ask: “Does a pig MOO?” or point to your foot and ask “Is this my head?”.
- Be the kind of person you want your child to be. This is the “age of imitation.” They look up to you and want to be like you. And they are always watching, whether you know it or not. So show them how to behave by being a good role model.
Communicating with Your Child
In these months your toddler will be paying attention to words—in the languages they hear most: apple, cup, pan. They will listen, begin to understand, then start to talk. At first you may not understand the sounds they make, but listen—and you’ll hear their first word. It’s an exciting time.
Here are some things you can do:
- Talk with your toddler—about everything and anything. The more language a toddler hears the better. So talk about what you are doing: “Daddy is bringing your yellow hat in case it is cold outside.” Talk about what you see, eat, play and read together. “There’s Kayda, she’s wagging her tail.” “These cooked carrots are sweet. Do you want some more?” “Get ready. Here comes the blue bouncing ball.” “What does the lion say?” Talk about your day at school or work. Talk about weekend plans. Keep talking.
- Listen for the sounds and words your child is attempting. Your toddler will make repeated sounds for objects and likely point at what they are trying to say. When they say, ”Dah” and points to a dog walking by, respond by saying, “Yes, I see that dog… that is a small dog!” That way they hear the word “dog” said and used in a sentence. All in less than a minute and without being corrected.
- Make a running list of sounds and words your child is saying! It is fun to jot down your child’s sounds and first words. You can share the list with anyone else who takes care of them and you will have a running record of how their language develops.
- Stretch their tries at spoken language. At first they will say single words, and then they will begin to link two words together. “Play!” and then “mommy play!” You can add to that by saying: “Yes, mommy is playing with you and we are making this pretty green truck go.” This introduces them to new words and invites them to take turns talking back and forth with you.
- Repeat the words your child is trying to say. Criticizing and correcting can discourage a new “talker”. Learning language is not easy. It takes lots of time, practice and repetition.
- Read a story. Then read it again. And again if they ask. You are helping them develop vocabulary and understand new words. Point occasionally to the words on the page as well as the pictures. You are showing them that these marks on paper stand for letters and words.
- Rhyme away. Read rhymes. Say rhymes. Sing rhymes.
- Know when to be quiet. A break gives your child the time they need to process what they are hearing and saying. Look for clues when your child has had enough. For example, are they looking down, looking away, turning to play quietly? This may mean they are telling you they need a break from talking.
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
Your little one is learning about the world. When you are there, by their side, interested, it helps them stay focused and think about what they are seeing, doing and learning. Encourage them to explore and let them try to figure things out (problem solve) but be ready to step in to assist if they appear to be in any kind of danger or getting too frustrated.
Here are some things you can do:
- Give your toddler time to explore and experiment—every day. Be their partner as they stack plastic measuring cups, pours and dumps water in the tub, digs in sand and climbs in and out of a cardboard box.
- Use the outdoors as a learning lab. Look for ants. Smell a flower. Walk in a puddle. Listen to the chirping of birds.
- Let them move and be active. Hold their hand as needed when they climb up and down steps. Let them sit on simple riding toys they can move along with their feet. Blow bubbles that they can chase and pop. If it’s raining hard and you can’t go outside, make an obstacle course with pillows and pots to walk over and furniture to crawl over. Make a tent by covering a table with a sheet.
- Take them to the supermarket. Name fruits and vegetables. Point out different colors, sizes and shapes of items on the shelves. Talk about what you are buying for dinner. (Your local bookstore, library, park, and pet store are also great learning places.)
- Turn off the TV and put down your cell phone. Interacting with you is better than any children’s show, when it comes to learning.
- Enjoy using your fingers to act out songs and actions. Bringing “The Wheels on the Bus” and “Itsy Bitsy Spider” to life using your hands and fingers will help your child learn to use them for writing. The songs also give you the chance to teach your child new vocabulary words and to enjoy playing and singing together.
- Encourage them to feed her favorite stuffed animal or doll. It is the beginning of pretend play that will let them explore aspects of everyday life and at the same time stretch their imagination.
Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
It doesn’t take long to figure out that your parenting changes as your child grows. When you think about what you did as a parent of a newborn, think about how different it was from what you did with your one-year-old; and what you are doing today with your toddler.
When you understand your child’s developmental stage and provide the right kinds of support and nurturing, you are building a stronger family—and child. There are many sources of information about child development and parenting— one great place to check is with your local librarian!
Here are some questions to ask about your toddler:
- Thinking about your toddler, what have you learned about child development that helped you as a parent?
- Thinking about your own parenting, what are the things you do very well as you parent your toddler?
- What might you want to work on to make it easier for you and better for your child?
- How does your understanding of your toddler’s development helps you to provide the right kind of guidance for your toddler?
24-36 Months
Your Terrific Two-Year-Old
Can you believe that in just 24 months your baby has grown to be a walking, talking, thinking toddler? Click the tabs below to learn what to expect and how to prepare.
Parenting at this Stage
Can you believe that in just 24 months your baby has grown to be a walking, talking, thinking toddler? One minute they touch your heart with a big smile and hug. The next they drive you crazy as they say “No!” Again.
Like your toddler, you may find yourself swinging between feeling capable and “in control” and then wanting someone to give you a hug and tell you what to do.
But hang in there. Enjoy your toddlers new discoveries, their growing skills and blossoming language and personality. And when you can’t, remember: what they want and need most is your love, attention and patience. Your terrific two-year-old needs you to be on their team—and to nurture, protect, guide, communicate, and support their curiosity and learning as they figure out how to fit into this world.
As a parent of a two-year-old, you may:
- Wonder “where has my baby gone?”
- Be amazed at how much your little one has grown and changed
- Wonder if you are expecting too much or too little of your toddler
- Feel your patience being tested—way too often
- Ask yourself more than once “Why is my child acting like this?” “Am I doing something wrong?”
- Find yourself laughing at something your toddler says or does
Child Development
Your toddler is figuring out who they are, what they can do and who is in charge. They want to be “little” and “grown up” at the same time. Life is not always easy for your terrific two-year-old.
One minute they may cling to you. The next they may insist “My do” and refuse your helping hand. They are gaining new skills at the same time they are learning rules that they are expected to follow. Sometimes they may appear so grown up you may expect them to behave in ways they are not yet able to.
Sometime, during the next twelve months, here are some of the new things you will likely see your two-year-old do:
- Follow simple one or two part directions: “Will you please bring the book over here and climb up on the sofa so we can read?”
- Have a vocabulary of 100 words or more (by 36 months)
- Hold a “conversation” with back and forth exchanges
- Listen to a familiar story and even catch a mistake
- Ask lots of questions (why? where? what?)
- Imitate behaviors and actions
- Make connections between something that is happening now, and something that happened in the past. Their memory is becoming stronger
- Enjoy make-believe play “draw” (scribble on paper); copy simple shapes and lines
- Focus on an activity for a longer period of time
- Notice differences in size, shape and color
- Know how to seek help from trusted adults (you, grandma, child care provider)
- Understand and follow simple rules— but with reminders and guidance
- Play for short periods “side by side” with another child
- “Take a turn” with another child—usually with your help
- Recognize themselves in a mirror and photos
- Dress and undress themselves with assistance
- Show interest in or maybe complete toilet learning
Nurturing Your Child
By age two, your toddler is able to rely not only on you but on other trusted adults. Sometimes, they may even seem to prefer someone other than you. Don’t be offended: that’s normal development. They are busy figuring out where they fit in the world and what relationships are all about. You remain their constant, trusted and well-loved parents.
Here are some things you can do:
- Comfort them. Toddlers’ feelings can be very intense—even when they are happy and excited. And losing control can be frightening to a toddler. Your toddler needs your loving reassurance both in touch and words so they know they are still loved and lovable.
- Continue to observe and learn so that you can respond to their unique needs and strengths. For example, by observing what triggers frustration and “meltdowns” (e.g., lack of sleep, change in routine, eating candy) you can learn how to avoid or deal with those triggers. Knowing what they are currently interested in (sweeping with a toy broom, throwing a ball, reading stories about animals) allows you to focus on their interests. That shows them that you value them and and what is important.
- Help them learn about feelings. Give names to feelings: “I know it makes you sad to have to stop playing but we have to go to
the store right now.” Separate their feelings from their behavior. “I know you feel sad (feeling) but you must not throw (behavior)
your toy at me.” Talk about the feelings of the characters in books and as you play together. (“Your doll looks sad.” “Mr. Moose
is smiling.”) Look in a mirror together and take turns making faces (sad, happy, scared). - Be a model. Behave the way you want your toddler to behave. They listen to you and watch you carefully. They will copy what they see you do and hear. So as you interact with them and others remember, they are watching.
Protecting Your Child
Here are some things you can do:
- Protect them from the house and the house from them. It is better to put dangerous or breakable things out of reach than always saying “no”. That only invites conflict as they try to be independent.
- Protect them outside too. Toddlers do not understand the possible dangers in playgrounds, streets and yards. Watch and think ahead about what they might get into. And remember, no matter how “grown up” they may seem, they are depending on you to keep them safe.
- Limit how much screen time and TV time they have. Your toddler can’t yet tell the difference between what is real and what is pretend. Scary or violent images can be scary—even if they are playing in the same room where a movie is on. This can lead to challenging behaviors, nightmares, and trouble sleeping.
- Protect your child—and other people. They may need you to step in and take over if they may hurt themselves or another person. Acknowledge their feelings as you prevent harmful behavior: “I know it is fun to ride your tractor, but you can’t ride it into the road. A car might hit you.” Or, “ I see you are angry but you can’t throw sand at your sister; it can hurt her!)
- Never leave your toddler near or around water without someone watching them. Place secured fences around backyard pools. Dump out small wading pools after each use. Toddlers love to play in and with water but do not understand the potential danger.
- Keep your toddler healthy. Continue with all well-baby care appointments and doctor recommendations. Encourage your child to practice self-care skills like washing hands, eating healthy foods and brushing teeth. This can be tricky because they want to do many things by themselves even though they still need help. So be patient, give them a chance to do what they can and lend a hand when needed.
Guiding Your Child
Now is the time for you to have patience for you and your toddler. Toddlers are easily frustrated. (You would be too if you were caught between being a baby and a “grown-up” preschooler.) They don’t know how to be patient—yet. But your toddler is learning this important skill—by living with and watching you. How you respond when they are frustrated or upset teaches them how to handle challenges. Here are a few ideas to help you teach your child to manage when things don’t go their way:
Here are some things you can do:
- Use what you know and observe about your toddler to avoid or help them manage frustration. Try to identify situations, people, activities and transitions (typical changes in everyday routines) that frustrate them. Think about what else is going on in their life that makes frustration hard to handle. Maybe they are feeling tired or not feeling well. There could be big changes at home like the birth of a new sibling or a new child care provider. This information can lead to decisions that can make life easier and better for both of you. For example: Don’t go to the supermarket when they haven’t had a nap. Give them some extra one-on-one time to help her adjust to a new sibling.
- Make and use clear simple rules and limits. Keep rules very simple and be prepared to say the rule many times over. It takes repetition, reminders, practice and time for a toddler to learn a rule.
- Be consistent with rules and limits you set. Even if they protest. Ultimately, you want your toddler to make good choices. This means following rules even when you are not there to guide and prompt them. If your rule is ‘sit, sofas are for sitting not for climbing’ and you repeat and reinforce it, they will learn to accept it. Being consistent helps them feel safe and secure.
- Explain and show acceptable ways to behave. How will they know what they are supposed to do if you don’t tell or show them? So if you see your toddler pouring a pan of water over their toys that are on your living room chair, explain: “The chair isn’t a good place. But you can have a ‘car wash’ in the bathtub or outside.” The ability to substitute an acceptable action with one that is not, is important. It helps develop self-regulation (making right choices on their own).
- Give your toddler realistic, manageable choices. Ask “Do you want to wear your red or yellow socks?” It tells your toddler that you value their opinion and what they have to say. The trick is to offer only two choices, both of which you can happily deliver. More than two choices can be overwhelming. And offering a choice you can’t allow undermines their sense of pride and competence.
- Prepare your toddler for “transitions.” Toddlers do well when they are prepared for a change in activity. One way to help them is to point out that change is coming. “We are having so much fun building blocks but in a few minutes we are going to stop for lunch.” You can also make the change easier by giving them a way to be involved in the new activity: “It’s lunch time. Do you want to come help me build a sandwich?”
- Celebrate the positive. Let your toddler know when they do something right rather than focusing on negative behaviors.
- Check in on your own parenting feelings! How are you doing? Do you feel stressed about parenting your toddler? Do you find that sometimes your toddler’s behavior triggers frustration or anger in you? Be aware of your limits. Ask others for help if you feel stressed or just need a break to relax. Know that this is a challenging but expected phase for every parent and toddler. If you have questions or concerns, talk to your child’s health care provider or child care provider. Explain what is going on and make a plan to get the information and support you need.
Communicating with Your Child
This is a year of language explosion. Your toddler understands many more words than they can say. The number of words they knows and use are directly linked to what they hear.
Here are some things you can do:
- Talk with your toddler—about anything and everything. Talking back and forth gives them the opportunity to hear language, think about the meaning of the words and practice expressing (saying) words in response to what they hear.
- Expand on what your toddler says. At first they may say one word (“car”) or link two together (“race car”) as they pretend to race the car. You support their language learning when you add to what they say: “Yes, that is a race car…a shiny, blue race car and I bet it goes really fast!”
- Give your toddler simple one-step directions. For example: “Will you please get me the truck book?” Once you see that your toddler can usually follow one-step directions, begin to try two step directions: “Will you please put the truck book back and bring over your red truck?”
- Ask lots of “what”, “where” and “why” questions. “What are you doing?” “Where are you going?” “Why do you think the little girl in the picture is sad?” are great conversation starters. Keep your questions simple. And give your toddler time to think. It’s not their answers that matters, but the back-and-forth of the conversation with you!
- Teach the meaning of words through actions. Continue to talk about what you see your toddler doing as they are doing it. Sing songs that require actions, or songs that you grew up singing. Use actions to describe words such as “twirl” and “stretch.”
- Expect lots of mistakes in how words are said. Toddlers and even preschoolers make many mistakes in language expression and some are quite cute. Most of those mistakes will correct themselves with practice. For example, most older toddlers might say “I go to bed”…rather than “I went to bed.” It is best not to correct your child. Instead, model the right words: “That’s right, you went to bed.”
- Read, read, read and explore books with your toddler! Read short and simple books. Read their favorites again and again. While it might be boring for you, they feel proud and competent because they knows what is coming next. Ask simple questions about the book and listen for their answer. Connect the pictures in the book to objects in the room and people and places they know.
- Last, but not least: keep tabs on what you say. Are you always saying “no” and telling them what they can’t do? Or are you showing them how much they know and can do? Try, “You are figuring it out” or “Try again.” Only you can decide if your language is opening doors for them or shutting them— and if some changes are needed in how you respond.
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
Here are some things you can do:
- Support your child’s play. Some children like to build with blocks or stacking toys, a with certain book, outside play or inside play. Some children do very well with other kids playing in their space while others enjoy quiet over noisy environments. Messy play can be a blast to some children while others prefer to sit still. There is no right or wrong. It is all about using what you know to make play fun and engaging.
- Take advantage of your toddler’s need to be moving. That constant energy and movement is helping develop balance, muscle control and coordination. Every skill that they develop will lead to more complex skills in the future. For example, how they throw a ball as a toddler will influence how they throw a ball overhand later on. So give them lots of opportunity to “practice” these emerging physical skills in everyday play while making sure that they are safe and supervised.
- Be creative about toys. Toddlers like to push and pull; pour and fill; build and knock down; imitate adult behaviors in play such as “cleaning,” caring for a “pet” or “baby”; putting things together and taking them apart; throwing and catching; and “drawing”. Most of these can be done with everyday objects: plastic measuring cups, plastic nesting bowls, cardboard boxes, a sock rolled into a ball. It’s all about finding what interests your toddler and having fun.
- Join up with other toddlers. Libraries and bookstores often provide free story times. Look for playgrounds designed for toddlers where your child can play and explore. There are also toddler playgroups and family resource centers in many communities.
- Take care of yourself! Playing with your toddler takes a lot of your time, energy and creativity. When you need a break, ask a trusted family member or friend to help out for a couple hours. This will help to “recharge” your batteries. If you find that your patience is running thin or you are feeling anxious or bored, talk with someone you trust.
Protective Factor: Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
When you understand your child’s developmental stage and provide the right kinds of support and nurturing, you are building a stronger family—and child. There are many sources of information about child development and parenting—check with your local librarian!
Here are some questions to ask about your two-year-old:
- What do you like best about your two-year-old?
- What has surprised you about your toddler’s development?
- What is harder about parenting a two-year-old compared to an infant?
- What do you do as a parent to promote your toddler’s development?
- When you have a concern or question about your toddler or your parenting, who or what do you rely on for information and guidance?
- In what ways does understanding your own parenting style, strengths and practice (behaviors) influence how you support your toddler’s learning and development?
36-48 Months
Your Thriving Three-Year-Old
Child Development
Welcome to the “preschool years,” the time between age three and when your little one enters school. That may seem like a long way off but time will fly. And much will change, one discovery at a time.
Your preschooler’s brain is very active. You can see it as they ask questions, explores and tries to make sense out of all they have learned so far. They can think in new ways about people, objects, events and ideas (called mental images) and can remember for longer periods of time.
Sometime, during the next twelve months, here are some of the new things you will likely see your three-year-old do:
- Play for short periods with another child or children and begin to develop friendships
- Begin to identify as a boy or girl and may show preference for gender related play… (i.e., trucks or dolls)
- Become interested in simple, structured games like board games but often wants to make up and change the “rules” to their liking
- Spend much of their time in pretend activity and may even have an imaginary friend or two
- Show you they want to please you some of the time
- Seem, at least at times, to be less dependent on you
- Resist your requests—and resort back to temper tantrums if he is not getting what they want
- Follow two to three step directions
- Use many new words in everyday experiences…an “exploding” vocabulary
- Use four or more words in a sentence
- Use plurals correctly; use descriptive words; ask many questions; continue to make language mistakes but with practice those mistakes self-correct
- Has a conversation of two or more exchanges with another person
- Listen to books and stories and become more “engaged” in the content
- “Read” a favorite book to you by looking at and “reading” pictures
- Join in singing or saying short familiar rhymes
- Show interest in scribbling, copying simple shapes, painting, molding dough or clay, “building” and taking things apart
- Experiment and explore continuously… with people, objects, ideas and actions
- Use “self-talk” while exploring. (i.e., “What happens…if I pour this bag of sugar into the dump truck.”)
- Has a new persistence in asking “why, where and what ” questions for understanding
- Focuses for longer periods of time on activities of interest
- Show intense interest in specific kinds of play to the exclusion of other play (only wants to play trains for a month straight, no matter what else is offered or available)
- Match and sort like things, like colors, cars, shapes
- Complete a 6-8 piece puzzle
- Understand and follows simple rules and safety practices but still needs adult giving cues
- “Take turns” more easily; showing some ability to wait and to share
- Show concern if another child is upset, hurt or angry
- Separate from parent without becoming upset
- Become attached to significant adults, in addition to parents
- Begin to recognize and express feelings and emotions (i.e., I’m sad)
- Climb, jump, run, throw and catch with increasing skill
- Dress and undress himself, only needing help with zippers, buttons and tying
- Like physical activity
- Is on the move
- Complete toilet learning
- Use objects for purposes not intended (i.e., banana becomes a phone)
- Show awareness of daily routine (i.e., after bath, goes to brush teeth without being told)
- Show interest in and awareness of their environment, noticing signs, buildings, streets, stores, etc.
Parenting at This Stage
Their abilities are growing. But as you will see in this chapter and the next one to follow, they still need your support and help. Sometimes, when they are getting frustrated, this may mean stepping in and giving him a hand. Or, you may need to give him a little time to figure things out on their own. Either way, they always need you to help keep them safe and to guide their behavior.
Below, you will find lots of ways to support your preschooler. By helping them today, you are also preparing them for tomorrow, to be successful with friends and in school.
As a parent of a three-year-old, you may:
- Struggle at times with being consistent but it’s still very important
- Find your three-year-old quite funny at times and enjoy their sense of humor
- Feel embarrassed when they imitate your words or tone of voice that you would not want anyone to hear
- Have moments when you just cannot be enthusiastic about playing the same thing for the fifth time in a day
- Experience a little sadness when your three-year-old becomes attached to someone outside the family— while also being proud of their growing independence
- Notice that your child may have some better skills and some less developed skills when looking at other three-year-olds
- Wonder if you are expecting too much or too little of your three-year-old
- Feel a bit silly playing imaginary games with your child
- Find it challenging to let your child “lead” the learning in play and activities
- Better understand the value of your child’s constant desire to play as an important way to learn
- Learn with practice how to best guide your three-year-old child’s learning
- Wonder about your child’s readiness for preschool and/or school and what you need to do to get them ready
Resources in this Section
Nurturing Your Child
They are beginning to develop relationships with people outside your family: a favorite teacher, a neighbor or a friend. You may even wonder, at times, if they are “breaking away.” Not to worry. It is the powerful attachment between you that allows all the other relationships to grow.
Here are some things you can do:
- Be There! They know they can turn to you when they are unsure or upset. As they begin to form new relationships, stay present and available. They need your trusting relationship in order to form others.
- Create some “special time” for you and your little one. Whether it be breakfast, bedtime, bathtime or everyday travel time, make that time special for you and your little one where the underlying message is that your child is loved.
- Help them become a “nurturer!” They are beginning to recognize and respond to other people’s feelings and needs. Share how important this is as you encourage and model respectful, caring behavior towards others. Some ways to encourage awareness of others:
- Name the feelings your child might be having: “I know you are angry that your brother took your car.”
- Explore with your child how another may be feeling: “How do you think your brother felt when you grabbed that out of his hands?”
- Explore with your child a better way to express theirfeelings: “What would have been a better way to ask for that back?” ….and let them try the better way.
- Recognize their attempts to have positive interactions with others, especially when they think of the other’s needs first. “That was good thinking and caring to ask for the car, rather than grab it!”
- Talk about the feelings of characters in stories and books. “Do you think the bear is happy or sad?” or “Why do you think the bear is crying?” “What do you think might make the bear happy?” “Remember when Ellie brought you a cupcake? How did you feel?” “Can you show me happy?”
- Encourage their growing sense of humor. Have you noticed that your little one is laughing more at funny actions, words and sights? They will also try to make you laugh. Share the joy and laughter of this age together.
- Invite them to contribute to the family by doing simple tasks. They are beginning to see themselves as part of a family and is figuring out their role. Invite them to do “real” tasks: “Will you put these napkins on the table? Will you please throw that banana peel in the garbage? Can you put your truck away on the shelf so no one trips on it?” These simple requests will help your child to experience success and feel valued as a family member.
Protecting Your Child
Here are some things you can do:
- Keep them safe in the home. Now that they can open containers and doors, climb and jump, take another look around to be sure your home is as safe as possible. Keep reminding them of rules and stay consistent.
- Protect them from potential outdoor dangers. When outside and “in action,” remind them of outdoor safety rules and make sure they are followed. For example: hold hands when crossing streets; stay on the sidewalk; always wear a helmet on riding toys.
- Avoid scary messages and pictures on TV or in books. They do not yet know what is real and pretend. And their imagination is in high gear. No matter how silly a cartoon figure may seem to you, it may scare them. And their feelings are real.
- Keep them healthy. Continue their well-care care appointments and recommended immunizations. Guide them to wash their hands often during the day. Help them learn to brush their teeth. Serve them healthy foods like fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and low-fat milk or yogurt. Though they most likely have learned to use the toilet, accidents happen. Help them change into dry clothes in a matter-of-fact way and move on with your day.
- Use an approved forward facing car seat with a harness—as long as possible. You will find height and weight limits on the
seat or the maker’s website. When they outgrow the seat, it will be time for them to use a booster seat. It should always be in the
back seat. Make it a rule: that they can only undo their belt when the car is stopped and you have turned off the motor.
Guiding Your Child
Here are some things you can do:
- Be there! Even as you notice their growing sense of independence (“I can do this myself”), they still need you to support and guide them.
- Expect occasional periods of “regression.” A change in child care providers, a new baby in the family, or moving to a new place are all changes that can overwhelm a young child. (adults too!) Sometimes, children respond by acting in ways they did when they were younger (regress). For example, they might have a temper tantrum, or a toileting accident, trouble sleeping, or clinging to you. These are signs they need extra support during a stressful time.
- Set a few simple, clear rules that they can understand and count on. They are beginning to show you that they can remember the rules (sometimes) and can use them (sometimes) without always being told. When you are clear about what is expected, it helps them remember and respond.
- Catch your child being good! Or even if they try to do things right. Use clear and simple words to describe exactly what was good. Saying: “Thank you for picking up your toys without me asking” helps your child understand what specific behavior you are complimenting so they can do it again.
- Let them know about positive ways to behave. For example, explain that instead of hitting their big sister when she takes his toy, they can tell her “It’s mine” or ask you for help. Or show them how to yell at a pillow when feeling is angry or frustrated.
- Give them the chance to make real, manageable decisions. Talk about their choices. “Oh, you want to play with the race cars instead of build with blocks? That sounds fun! What can we do with them?”
- Pick and choose your battles! Three-year old children have a built-in desire to try new things and will push the boundaries in order to do that. The good news: they also want to please you (most of the time). Set rules and limits but only where necessary. If you keep your child boxed in by an overly strict set of rules or have too many rules, you risk crushing their creativity, confidence, persistence and curiosity, while denying their chances to practice self-control.
Communicating with Your Child
Your preschooler’s early reading and writing (literacy) skills are growing. They now can understand and use hundreds of words. They are more aware of print by pointing to words in a favorite book (not having a clue what they say) or pretend to write on paper.
They are also becoming better at reading body language and what it says about how someone else is feeling. These are all early literacy skills.
Here are some things you can do:
- Ask lots of “what”, “where” and “why” questions. “What are you doing?” “Where are you going?” “Why do you think the little girl in the picture is sad?” are great conversation starters. Keep your questions simple. And give your toddler time to think. It’s not their answers that matters, but the back-and-forth of the conversation with you!
- Create fun ways to practice listening. Ask simple 1 and 2 step directions: “Will you please put the truck away, then put on your shoes so we can go out.” Play “Can You Do What I Do?” games with directions such as “Can you touch your nose? Point to your elbow?” Most important of all: listen to them.
- Expand on what they say. Add to her vocabulary by introducing her to new or unusual words throughout the day. “Yes, that’s a bird! It’s a called a blue bird, see the pretty blue color?” “Would you like to help me rinse off these greens?”
- Keep asking what, where, why questions. “What else do you think we should put in the salad?” “Where do you want to play in the park?” Why do you think the little cat was so happy to see her mommy in the story?” Remember to give them time to think and respond.
- Keep the conversation going! The back and forth, give and take of a conversation supports your child’s development in all areas. And it can be fun as you learn more about how your child thinks.
- Spend time playing word games! Children this age love to play word games with an adult. Start with words (real or made up) that rhyme: “mat, pat, cat, fat, sat” and words that start with the same sound: “bat, big, bug.” You can just sit in a room and say, “What can we find that starts with an ‘ss’ sound?” Use favorite nursery rhymes and familiar children’s songs to point out words that rhyme.
- Read, read, read! Read their favorite stories again and again. Ask questions about the story or information found in the book. “What do you think is going to happen?” Point out words on some of the pages. Eventually, they will begin to understand that you are reading words not reading “pictures.”
- Use different “voices” when reading. Make your voice sound happy, sad, tired, excited… whatever the story calls for. This not only helps your child learn language but also learn about feelings—their own and others. It can take a little pretending on your part.
- Be a model! They are watching and want to copy what you do. When you do something as simple as search online, order a pizza, or write a grocery list, you show them the importance of reading, writing and talking.
- Give your child the opportunity to explore with writing tools. Sure, there could be a mess but with your help and presence whatever they are using (crayon, marker, pen, pencil) can easily stay on paper and not the walls. Praise those writing/drawing efforts, which will be simple scribbles at first. With experience however, they will turn into letters.
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
Your child is learning as they run, jump, turn blocks into buildings or empty boxes into trains. As they play in the sand, collect stones or pinecones and kick a ball. And as they pretend to be a lion, a baby or a firefighter.
Many experts believe there are five types of play: exploratory play, which is discovering what something is (even infants do this), constructive play, where children put things together and take them apart (toddlers can do this to some degree), dramatic play, which is taking on pretend roles and situations, and later on, play that has rules (rules can be created by the child or from outside source,) and rough and tumble play.
Here are ways to support these types of play and learning.
- Head outdoors. It’s the perfect place to climb, run, throw a ball or bean bag, ride a tricycle or visit a park. There are also amazing things to discover, explore and enjoy together: clouds, worms, butterflies, snow, and big trucks.
- Encourage “construction” and “collection.” Three-year-olds love to build anything and everything, put things together and take them apart, and create as they make collages, mold clay or playdough, build with blocks or make a sculpture with pipe cleaners. As they create, your child learns about size, shapes, balance, weight, color and how things connect to each other.
- Make believe together. Pretend play supports language, cognitive, social emotional and motor learning! When your child invites you to be the mommy, baby, firefighter or tiger, join in—even though it can feel weird. Follow your child’s lead and watch their creativity and confidence grow.
- Introduce simple board games. Be prepared: your child will make up the rules for now. Don’t worry about winning or even completing the game. No matter who wins or how long you play, your child will be learning about taking turns, counting, numbers and letters.
- Encourage “connections.” Between play and real life: “I see you are playing with your garbage truck. Our garbage is outside right now waiting for the city garbage truck. Let’s see if it’s coming.” And between the familiar and new: “Can you help me find a lemon? Lemons remind me of the oranges you like to eat, but they are smaller and yellow.”
- Spend time with other kids. Three-year-olds begin to play with other children. With practice and your support, playing and getting along with others gets easier for your child. The chance to talk with other parents and to see other three-year-olds in action can make playtime fun for you, too.
- Explore programs for your three-year-old to attend. You might be thinking about preschool, State funded Universal Pre-Kindergarten, Head Start? or another quality child care program. Contact different programs and learn more and what is expected of you as a parent.
Social Emotional Development
A Protective Factor for Building a Strong Family: Helping Your Child Develop Social and Emotional Competence
You know your child better than anyone in very personal ways. You know their favorite foods, stories, and games. You know what makes them laugh, angry and sad. You know how to comfort and encourage them.
Your relationship with them is the model for relationships they will make for the rest of their life. Everyday you are teaching them what to expect from another person. You are also teaching them about who they are.
You know when things are going well for them. And when you have a question about how they are doing. If and when things just don’t seem right, talk with their health care provider. It is one of the many ways you help your child be their best they move into the world.
Here are some questions to ask yourself about your child social and emotional development:
- How do you think your child feels about themselves? About other people?
- Is your child comfortable spending time with other adults? Other children?
- What are some of their favorite activities with other adults in her life? Other children?
- How do you think the ways that you usually communicate with your child affects both the way your child feels about themselves and feels about others?
48-60 Months
Your Fabulous Four-Year-Old
Child Development
“Energetic,” “imaginative,” “social” and sometimes “impatient” describes a four-year-old. Typically, four-year-olds feel good about what they can do and want to explore new ideas. Sometimes they try things that they can’t yet do. Your job is to encourage your child’s desire for exploring and learning within safe, secure and reasonable boundaries.
Sometime, during the next twelve months, here are some of the new things you will likely see your four-year-old do:
- Show interest in letters and words, especially letters in their own name and familiar signs (like a stop sign on the street) …and begin to identify some words and letters
- Be able to write some letters and maybe even their first name with help
- Have a vocabulary of over 1500 words
- Carry on a conversation for at least seven turns on the same topic
- Ask and answer lots of questions, even those you wish they didn’t ask!
- Tell you their name, address, and phone number, if taught
- Use five to seven words in a sentence
- Retell a simple story, event or activity from the past day
- Count at least five objects correctly, count to twenty from memory, recognize some of the first numerals (1,2,3…)
- Understand spatial and size concepts like “biggest, smallest, more, in, under, above and behind“
- Understand the order of daily routines (Is it time for breakfast or lunch? What do we do before bed?)
- Explain what causes things to happen and can build on that information) such as “the snowman melted because it what was warm and sunny outside today.”
- Plan and complete simple tasks
- Focus on an activity of interest for at least 10 minutes
- Name colors and shapes; sometimes name both together (ex. red circle; blue square)
- Copy simple shapes and/or lines on paper
- Feed self, brush teeth, comb hair, wash hands and face, dress and use toilet with little assistance
- Run, jump, hop, stand on one foot, gallop and maybe skip with increasing skill
- Catch, kick, bounce and throw a ball with increasing ease
- Stack 10 or more blocks, building both high and wide
- Put together an 8-10 piece puzzle
- Form shapes and objects out of clay or playdough, use child-safe scissors to cut, draw a simple person with 4 body parts (e.g., head, trunk, leg, arm, nose, eye, mouth)
- Thread small beads/macaroni on a string
- Take turns and share (most of the time)
- Understand and follow simple directions and rules (most of the time)
- Begin to understand danger but still need reminders
- Have difficulty separating make-believe from reality, including an imaginary playmate
- Enjoy pretend play and role playing Identify a range of feelings (happy, mad, sad, tired, silly, scared, etc.)
- Express anger verbally rather than physically (most of the time) but still have a tantrum on occasion
- Have “friends” and asks to play with them
- Express affection for and seek help from trusted adults both in and out of home
- Negotiate both with adults and friends to solve problems
- Show empathy for another’s pain and feelings; try to comfort another person
- Show awareness of gender and cultural traits of self and other
- Show pride when feeling an accomplishment
Parenting at this Stage
Typically, four-year-olds feel good about what they can do and want to explore new ideas.
Sometimes they try things that they can’t yet do. Your job is to encourage your child’s desire for exploring and learning within safe, secure and reasonable boundaries. To help them get ready for school, you may choose to have them attend a preschool for four year olds, such as free programs like Universal Pre- Kindergarten or Head Start.
Remember there will be other teachers in their life, you remain their first, most important and forever teacher. To find out about what preschool opportunities are in your community will take some time and you should feel very comfortable to ask to observe any program you are interested in.
As a parent of a three-year-old, you may:
- Feel some deserved pride and amazement at what your four year old has become!
- Experience a little sadness or discomfort when your four year old becomes attached to someone else and even expresses preference to be with that person
- Wonder about your child’s readiness for school and what you need to do to help them prepare
- Wonder about your own readiness to have your child enter school and how that may change both your lives
- Find your conversations with your four year old quite entertaining and informative
- Be surprised (both good and bad) at some of your four-year-old’s thinking!
- Find it difficult to not always “step in and referee” when your child gets into conflict with another peer or sibling
- Feel uncertain about your role as “first teacher” if your child is attending a preschool program. Remember, you are still the most important influence on your child.
Nurturing your Child
Your child is starting to see themselves as a person who is part of a family, culture, neighborhood and wider community. That is called having a “sense of self.” You are their main model and support as they figure out their place in the world.
Here are some things you can do:
- Be There! Let them know you will be there when they need help. Stay available and show true interest in new relationships they form. Take time each day to talk through their adventures and challenges and their feelings about them!
- Help them recognize and deal with feelings. For example, you might say: “You seem to be scared or worried about something. Can you tell me about it?” Then talk about the cause of the feeling and how your child might handle it: “Oh, you don’t want to have a shot today at the doctor’s office? That can be scary, but we need shots to keep us healthy. Let’s figure out a way to make it less scary for you… how about holding my hand and squeezing it and together we will say ‘wheezy, squeezy, toasted cheesy’?”
- Talk about the feelings of characters in books you read together. Connect what is happening in the story to your child’s feelings. Talk about how your child might feel in a similar situation and what they might do.
- Use creativity to teach about feelings. Use drawing and painting, pretend play, and dancing and moving to express and talk about feelings while having fun together.
- Talk about what others might be feeling (empathy). Helping your child to understand another person’s perspective will help them build strong caring relationships throughout his life.
- Check yourself! Your little one needs to feel supported, loved and safe in dealing with both positive and negative feelings and behaviors. Model the behaviors you want your preschooler to use. If you generally manage your emotions and behaviors in a positive way, your little one will more likely do the same.
- “Show and teach” the values you want your child to have. Model and talk about values: “Thank you for picking up the trucks without my even asking; that’s being responsible.” “Your teacher told me that you were a great helper and listener today; that’s good cooperation and respect.”
Protecting your Child
Four-year-olds have a growing sense of their abilities and understanding about what dangerous behaviors might lead to (“If I touch the candle, I may get hurt.”). But they still need your support and direction to learn how to protect themselves and to avoid danger.
Here are some things you can do:
- Establish outdoor safety rules. Remind them often of outdoor safety rules such as: hold hands when crossing streets; stay on the sidewalk; and always use a helmet on bikes, scooters and skateboards (and any other moving toys). Keep an eye on them to be sure they follow these rules. When they make a mistake (or ignores a rule on purpose) use it as a teaching opportunity: “You forgot to put your helmet on; remember you need that to ride your bike.”
- Be aware on the playground. Check the equipment, look for loose parts and sharp or rusty edges. Keep a close hand on your child as they try out equipment until you are certain they can do it alone. Dress them safely: ties on hoods can strangle and flip flops are not a good choice for running and riding toys. Keep your eye on them.
- Never leave your preschooler alone by any water—indoors or out. It only takes seconds to drown and drowning is a leading cause of death of young children.
- Child-proof, yet again! Your child can run, jump, and climb into all sorts of places and spaces they couldn’t just a year ago. That means you always want to be thinking about what they might do or get into that could be dangerous and make sure that you have removed that potential danger.
- Protect your child from “stranger danger”. A rule you may want to consider: your child should never, ever go anywhere with a stranger or, for that matter, a relative or friend unless you (or another trusted caregiver) says it is okay.
- Protect your child from unnecessary fears. A four-year-old’s imagination is so active that when they become fearful of something, that fear is often magnified. Violence seen on TV or Smartphones is a typical source of fear in children.
- Keep your preschooler healthy. Continue all well-care appointments, scheduled immunizations, and health care provider recommendations. Encourage and supervise hand washing throughout the day. Serve healthy foods and be sure they gets enough sleep.
- Use an approved forward facing car seat. As your child grows, remember to check the car seat measurements—usually printed on a sticker located on the side of the car seat. It may be time for a booster, in the backseat! Make it a rule: that they can only undo their belt when the car is stopped and you have turned off the motor.
Guiding your Child
A four-year-old is filled with energy, imagination, drive, stubbornness, persistence, curiosity, creativity and confidence. This transition time between the very early years (birth to three) and entry into school is a “golden opportunity.” Use it to help your four-year-old learn and practice how you expect them to act within the family and community (self-regulation or self-control) and how to have positive interactions with peers and adults.
- Help your child develop self-regulation. Self-regulation, sometimes called self-control, refers to your child’s ability to handle strong emotions, control their body movements and function and to focus and pay attention. For example, at times they can follow their bedtime routine happily even though you know they wanted to keep playing. Think about a classroom and you can see why your child’s ability to behave in these ways is so important.
Tips to promote your preschooler’s self-regulation:
Throughout this guide, there have been many suggestions about ways to support the development of self-regulation. Here are some other ways that are great for four-year-olds:
- Play games that encourage body-control: Play board games that require taking turns. (Don’t worry about the rules… your child will change them anyway!)
- Play games that require planning: Build a block wall. See who can match the most pairs of socks. Talk about what your child is thinking.
- Play: “What would you do if… you were a lion? It started to rain? You lost your shoe? It promotes conversation, imagination and problem solving.
- Toss, roll, and kick a ball back and forth: This helps your child learn to wait and take turns.
- Talk about their feelings, show empathy: Encourage them to talk about ways to cope with their feelings.
- Encourage your child to use words and not physical actions when upset.
- Use natural and logical consequences to teach your child that their actions can affect them and others. Take the time to talk through what happened and how it could have been avoided.
- A “natural consequence” is what happens as the result of your child’s action when you don’t interfere. For example, you ask your son to pick up his book. He doesn’t and an hour later finds that the dog has chewed it.
- A “logical consequence” is one you create when it would be unsafe for your child to experience the results of his own actions. For example, you find your child riding his bike without his helmet, even though you reminded him to do so. You can’t let him continue to ride because that could be dangerous. A logical consequence would be: no bike riding for a day.
- Give them the chance to make realistic choices. This gives your child practice making decisions and lets them know you value their thinking and choices.
Communicating with your Child
By four years of age, a preschooler will understand the meaning of and be able to use at least 1000 words correctly. Experts think that, on average, a four-year-old learns 4-5 new words each day.
Your four-year-old will use more complex sentences and share more complex thinking. With practice, they will make fewer pronunciation and grammatical errors. They recognizes the sounds of letters more easily and will begin to identify words that begin with the same sounds (door, dog, doll) and end with the same sound (play, day, may).
They are likely to be interested in “reading” their name, words, signs, and simple words in favorite books. They will “read” you their favorite books, holding the book correctly, looking at and turning the pages correctly. They love to listen to, tell and participate in the story.
“Writing” is big. Whether scribbling, drawing shapes, copying letters in their name, or drawing lines and circles that resemble letters and numbers, they “know” what they’re writing and will happily read it to you.
Here are some things you can do:
- Expand their vocabulary! Introduce new and unusual words in your conversations, play and reading. Help them understand the meaning and how to use the words you introduce.
- Play games that require listening and thinking! Games like “I Spy” (“I spy something that has wings, and flies in the air and is resting on the window ledge right now!”) or “Who or What Am I?” (“I come by your house everyday of the week, I bring children to school and I am yellow. What am I?”)
- Talk together. Try not to interrupt them when they are talking (which can go on and on) and remember to give them time to process what you are saying. You will learn a lot about your child’s thinking and feelings.
- Ask lots of simple what, where and why questions. They are great conversation starters. Give your preschooler time to listen so they can understand what is being asked and to use the right words to give a meaningful answer.
- Read, read, and read. Read their favorite books again and again. Ask questions: “What do you think is going to happen?” Invite them to look at the pictures for cues. Point out print on some of the pages. Eventually, they will begin to understand that you are reading words. At the end of the story, talk about what happened to get a sense of what they understood. For example, ask questions like: “What happened to the caterpillar that was hungry?” Or “What happened when Jabari jumped?”
- Have fun with stories. Make up stories. Tell stories about when you were a child. Invite your child to tell a story and write it down so you can read it again and share it with others. Take turns adding a sentence to the story until you reach the end.
- Plan a time each day to read with your child. Bedtime is often when many families read together. However, they may be less attentive if they are getting sleepy. Keep your time together sharing books fun—not forced! Try to find another time (in addition to bedtime) when your child is able to fully participate with you.
- Choose books on topics that interest your child. Try to vary the books to include some wordless, predictable, rhyming and informational books about the topic.
- Make your own books. Use photos or simple drawings for illustrations. Invite your preschooler to help by drawing pictures of the story you tell.
- Talk about how books work and the parts of a book. Point out the title, the author and the illustrator. Explain each. Have them locate the front of the book and turn to the first page. You are teaching “book mechanics”. It is an important part of learning to read.
- Point out letters and words in the environment. Look for words and letters in the grocery store, on the bus or subway, streets, vehicles, buildings and in your own home. When they start to point to, encourage and praise their efforts: “How did you know that red truck was a fire truck?”
- Lend your child a hand in learning about letters. Typically, children this age love to see their name in print…especially the first letter of their name. Let them copy and write their favorite letters. On paper, using chalk on the side walk, masking tape on the rug or cool whip on a cookie tray.
- Make writing part of your preschooler’s everyday experience. Make paper, notebooks, paint, pencils, crayons, markers, and chalk easily accessible. Invite them to help you “write” grocery lists, postcards, thank you notes and recipes of foods you make together. By this age, your preschooler should be able to follow rules about where and what they can write on so that they don’t make a mess with markers or paint.
- Model how you want your child to communicate! Show how you listen, talk, read and write. Share their pleasure in growing their ability to communicate through speaking, listening, reading and writing…and always keep it fun.
- Give your toddler simple one-step directions. For example: “Will you please get me the truck book?” Once you see that your toddler can usually follow one-step directions, begin to try two step directions: “Will you please put the truck book back and bring over your red truck?”
Supporting Learning and Curiosity
Over the last four years, you have been helping your child get ready for school. Remember giving them little bits of food to pick up with their thumb and tiny pointer finger (pincer grasp) when they were a baby? That was the start of skills they now use to pick up and hold a crayon to write. Who would have thought that the pincer grasp in infancy was an early writing skill? Now it is time to refine and expand those skills.
Here are some ways to encourage your child’s learning:
- Be a partner in pretend play–sometimes. If your child invites you to play a role either with other children or when alone, by all means join in. Take the role assigned to you and follow your child’s lead. It’s alright to suggest ideas to add to the play—just be sure they get the last word.
- Offer interesting props. Are there things around the house that might make play more interesting? For example, if your child and a friend are searching for dinosaurs, make a cave by putting a sheet over a table, offer them a book about dinosaurs, or cut a paper towel tube in half and tape them together to make a pair of binoculars.
- Build on your child’s natural interest in science. Your little scientist is thinking about how things work and wants to try out their ideas. To motivate your child’s thinking, ask questions like: I wonder why…?; What do you think might happen if…? How does that happen…? Encourage scientific thinking as you talk about cookie dough turning into a cookie, popcorn popping, toys floating and sinking in the bathtub, insects, worms, growing seeds and clouds.
- Surround your child with math. Teaching children to count from 1-10 is a great skill (rote learning) but it is also important to help them learn the meaning of the numbers. Help your child learn math concepts by encouraging hands-on learning as you ask questions like: “Can you get mommy three spoons?” or “How many blocks did you stack?” Give them opportunities to match and sort things: “Can you find two socks that match?” Provide lots of opportunities for your child to compare two objects and talk about what is bigger, the same, smaller, faster, slower, heavier and lighter.
- Give your child lots of opportunities to move their body! A four-year-old continues to refine existing skills and add new skills in both small (fine) and large (gross) motor development. At this age, children are not designed to sit still for long. Activities that help support gross motor skills include catching and throwing with others and at targets, hopping, skipping, jumping, running, walking backwards, bike riding, and balancing on one foot to name a few. Fine motor activities include painting, scribbling, drawing, writing, cutting with scissors, using playdough, puzzles, stringing objects and building/stacking objects.
- Look for opportunities for them to be with other children. Take some time to learn what activities are available outside the home for your preschooler to attend. Is your child now in a preschool, State Funded Pre-Kindergarten, Head Start or nursery school program? (Remember that State Funded Pre- Kindergarten and Head Start are both free programs). Are there community activities or play groups that you could take your child to? Check out libraries in preschool age programs, and even the school where your child will be enrolled for Kindergarten.
